Coping with Heartache when everyone else is falling in love.
Valentine’s Day, much like New Year’s resolutions, has always felt a little suspicious to me. Not because love isn’t worth celebrating, but because the whole thing seems designed to make people feel like they’re falling short. One minute, we’re bombarded with messages about self-improvement and weight loss. The next, we’re supposed to measure our relationship status like it’s some kind of personal achievement. And with social media, there are even more ways to compare ourselves and feel like we’re missing out.
If you’re dreading February 14th this year, you’re not alone. And while you can’t completely avoid the heartache, you can make a plan to take care of yourself.
Zoom Out
Painful moments can feel like they are going to last forever but when we look back, it wasn’t nearly as bad or as long. If we allow ourselves the space to process. Before you make any impulsive rash decisions about your Valentine’s Day, like going back to someone you know you don’t want to be with. Zoom out to Valentine’s Day next year. What’s it like, what are you doing, who are you with? Use this Valentine’s Day to take your next step towards the Valentine’s Day of your dreams. If you’re not interested in a relationship with someone don’t go back to them. Allow this Valentine’s Day to move you towards the Valentine’s Day of your dreams.
Get Ahead of Your Needs
Don’t just sit back and wait for the bad feelings to hit. Get ahead of them. If you know that being alone on Valentine’s Day will be hard, make plans now. Schedule a movie night, a spa day, or a dinner with friends. Book a class or an activity that gives you something to look forward to. Even if you don’t feel like making plans, having structure can keep you from spiraling and making any last minute decisions you regret.
Be Vulnerable
It’s easy to dismiss our feelings by telling ourselves things like, It’s just one day, or I shouldn’t care about this. But minimizing your emotions doesn’t make them go away. If you’re feeling disappointed, lonely, or even just a little left out, that’s valid. Maybe you had a vision of where you’d be in your love life by now, and it hasn’t worked out that way. That’s painful. Instead of pushing those feelings down, acknowledge them. Let yourself process them.
Advocate for Your Own Needs
If you’re always the friend who listens to everyone else’s relationship drama, but you just can’t right now, that’s okay. You’re allowed to set boundaries. If hearing about your best friend’s latest fight with her boyfriend feels like too much, let her know. Saying, Hey, I love you, but I need to protect my energy today is completely valid. Your emotional well-being matters just as much as anyone else’s.
Notice What Hurts
This might sound counterintuitive, but paying attention to what hurts can keep you from being blindsided by it. If certain types of posts on Instagram make you feel worse, be aware of that. If seeing couples out and about on Valentine’s Day stings, acknowledge it. The more you understand what affects you, the more control you have over how you respond.
Honor Your Grief
Let’s be honest—being single on Valentine’s Day can bring up some real sadness. And that’s okay. It’s okay to be upset, to grieve the relationship you don’t have, or to feel uncertain about the future. Pushing those feelings aside won’t make them disappear. Let yourself be sad if you need to be. Cry, journal, go for a long drive with your favorite playlist—whatever helps you process your emotions.
Monitor Your Screen Time
Social media is designed to make you feel something. Every post, every ad, every perfectly curated love story—it’s all meant to engage you and keep you scrolling. But if you’re already feeling vulnerable, social media can make things worse.
If you tend to wake up and immediately start scrolling, pay attention to how that affects you. Are you just looking for connection, or are you unintentionally making yourself feel worse? If social media is just adding to your loneliness, give yourself permission to take a break. Or make yourself take a break by using an app designed specifically for setting boundaries on social apps.
Make Galentine’s Day Plans
Romantic love isn’t the only kind of love worth celebrating. If Valentine’s Day feels heavy this year, lean into the love that is in your life. Plan a night with your best friends. Treat yourself to a solo date. Visit with one of your neighbors. Write heartfelt notes to the people who have supported you. Love comes in many forms, and this day can be about whatever kind of love you choose.
A gathering of women celebrating their friendship and love for one another.
You’re Not Alone
If this season feels hard, know that you’re not the only one feeling this way. Valentine’s Day is just a day, and it doesn’t define your worth or your future. You are deserving of love—not just from a partner, but from yourself and the people who care about you. So take care of yourself, set boundaries where you need to, and remember that you are enough, just as you are.
If you’re struggling to enjoy your own company this Valentine’s Day or not sure how to navigate your heartbreak, therapy can help.
I work with adult women virtually throughout California and inperson at my office in Lompoc, CA to help them heal from their invisible wounds.
