The Pressure of Perfection: How Social Media Fuels Unrealistic Relationship Expectations for Women
16% of adults are lonely all the time. A staggering number when you consider how connected we’re supposed to be in 2025. Despite having the world at our fingertips, many of us still feel isolated, unseen, and like we’re missing out on something everyone else seems to have.
We don’t always realize how deep we are in unhealthy patterns until we take a step back. And sometimes, we don’t fully understand why we feel the way we do—why we feel so inadequate, so unseen, so disconnected. Social media plays a massive role in this cycle, especially when it comes to relationships.
I’m here to tell you something obvious today, but I want you to really hear me: social media is lying to you.
When Social Media Fuels the Fire
If scrolling through Instagram makes you feel like shit after a big holiday, don’t get on it. If TikTok sends you down a spiral of comparison, close the app. The most loving thing you can do for yourself sometimes is protect your heart.
Social media companies prey on your emotions. When you’re feeling lonely, sad, or unfulfilled in your relationship, you’re not calm and regulated—you’re emotionally raw. And in that state, you are the perfect user for these platforms. You stay longer, engage more, and fuel the algorithm that thrives on your attention.
Let’s be real: you don’t need to see that person you went to high school with, whose husband you know is cheating, post about how they’re “soulmates.” You don’t need to see extravagant Valentine’s Day setups that make your quiet night in feel like a failure. You don’t need to scroll through carefully curated anniversary posts that make you question why your partner didn’t write a long, poetic caption about you.
Social media is great for celebration, learning, and connecting. But it is not a safe space when you’re feeling vulnerable in your own relationship. Don’t add fuel to the fire.
Adults sitting around the “digital” fire in 2025
The Digital Fire and the Dangerous Game of Comparison
For centuries, women gathered around the fire to share stories, wisdom, and real-life experiences. That fire still exists, but now it’s on our screens. And instead of swapping personal stories, we’re bombarded with bragging, perfection, and vanity.
Why is this dangerous? Because you’re comparing your real life to a highlight reel.
Social media allows us to make up stories—not just about ourselves, but about other people, too. You see a picture of a couple laughing over dinner, and your mind fills in the blanks. They must be so happy. They must never fight. I wish I had that. But you don’t know what’s happening outside that frame. You don’t know if they argued in the car before sitting down. You don’t know if the picture was staged for the tenth time to get the perfect shot. You don’t know if their smiles dropped the second the camera was put away.
Social media distorts reality. It tricks us into thinking that love should look a certain way, that relationships should be effortlessly perfect, that everyone else is living in a fairy tale while we struggle through ordinary, messy, real-life love. And when your relationship doesn’t look like what you see online, it’s easy to feel like something is wrong with it—or with you.
The Trap of Authenticity
One of the biggest lies social media sells is the idea of authenticity.
The more someone emphasizes how “real” they are, the more curated their content actually is. Authenticity on social media is a performance. Filters, angles, captions—it’s all designed to evoke a feeling, to get engagement, to make you believe you’re seeing something raw and genuine. But what you’re actually seeing is crafted imperfection—the kind that still looks good under the right lighting.
Protect Your Peace
If you had a bad Valentine’s Day, if your partner didn’t do what you hoped, if you’re feeling lonely or questioning your relationship—be kind to yourself. And, for the love of your mental health, stay off social media.
Protect yourself from the projections of what you wanted but didn’t get. Social media isn’t a mirror—it’s a funhouse distortion. What you see is not the full truth, and comparing your reality to it will only deepen your pain.
That doesn’t mean you have to quit social media altogether. It’s okay to use it to share memories, connect with loved ones, or find inspiration. But it should never be a space where you spiral into comparison, self-doubt, or relationship anxiety.
And remember: the more emotionally activated you are, the more likely you are to make an impulsive decision you might regret.
Changing How You Feel
So the next time you feel that sting of loneliness or disappointment creeping in, ask yourself: Is scrolling going to help me feel better? Or is it going to make me feel worse?
Your peace is worth protecting. Step away, take a breath, and focus on your reality—not the fantasy social media wants you to believe.
If you find yourself stuck in these cycles of comparison, loneliness, or relationship anxiety, therapy can help you untangle what’s really going on. Instead of looking for validation or clarity from social media, consider reaching out to a therapist who can help you process your emotions in a way that truly serves you. You don’t have to figure this all out alone—support is available, and you deserve to feel seen and understood in a way that isn’t dictated by an algorithm.
I work with adult women virtually throughout California and inperson at my office in Lompoc, CA to help them heal from their invisible wounds.
