Your Focus Isn’t As Bad As You Think It Is…

Many of the women that I work with are terribly worried about their inability to focus. 

And at the same time, these same women are able to participate in guided imagery and powerful visualizations that require intense focus to pull off and do in sessions.

What are we missing?

Women have not lost their ability to focus.

I’m a licensed therapist for overthinking, hardworking millennial women in their 30s.

In the modern world, there are too many tasks and activities that require our executive functioning in order to complete them correctly.

When I start breaking down issues with focus amongst my clients. At the core, the issue is not an inability to focus, it’s trying to focus on too many things and expecting ourselves to just remember without adequately supporting ourselves.

The women I work with in therapy aren’t lazy or looking for shortcuts.

These women overly rely on their short term memory, getting mad at themselves when they come up short, not knowing there are steps they can take to help their focus. 

Short Term memory and Thanksgiving 

Your short term memory, which is where we tend to overstuff information, is like a Thanksgiving table. There is a balance to how many dishes you can have on your Thanksgiving Table.

If there are too many types of stuffing, the mashed potatoes might not make it onto your Thanksgiving Table. Which is really frustrating when you are trying to serve yourself mashed potatoes but can only find the cranberry sauce and gravy.

Our short term memory is similar, if its overloaded with remembering work tasks and random to dos, we might not be able to access the information that we are looking for.

Focus: A Practical Example

Every 3-4 months, I have to pay my quarterly taxes to the state and feds. This process is not hard but it's tedious and important to do correctly. Paying quarterly taxes involves language, tasks, and information that I don’t normally use as a licensed therapist who helps women heal from invisible wounds. 

I used to get frustrated with myself for not understanding and taking too long to pay my quarterly taxes. Not realizing that this was not a skillset that I was practicing enough to become second nature to me. 

In fact, I did not want paying my quarterly taxes to become a reflex because it’s not a useful reflex to me.

Since I am a therapist and not an accountant. I need to be able to remember psychoeducation terms that I can use in therapy sessions versus remembering the type of tax form I use. I don’t care about the tax code information. It’s important and needs to be done correctly. I don’t need to take up space in my head to remember it. 

Instead, I have automated this task. I took longer to pay my quarterly taxes last time so I could record the process and create my own internal Policy and Procedure. Instead of trying to remember the specific details of this very important and tedious task, I can refer to the Policy and Procedure next time I need to pay my quarterly taxes. I can jump right into taking care of the this task without involving my short term memory at all.

Where Your Focus Is

For most of us, there are some main dishes that we always want to have on our Thanksgiving table. We can think about our focus the same way. What are the main things that you want to be able to focus on? 

And what are some things that you have been making a big deal about but don’t actually need a permanent place at your Thanksgiving table? 

When I was expecting myself to know how to pay my quarterly taxes without any assistance or extra help. I was unknowingly trying to force this menial task into becoming a staple or main dish and something that takes up space, from something much more important on my Thanksgiving table. 

By creating a Policy and Procedure for this task, I have outsourced the need to focus on that and can now turn my focus to more important things.

How To Help Your Focus Today

List out some things that you do every single day, that might be your default chore that have several steps and require intimate knowledge to complete correctly. This could include meals that you regularly make, your process for how you clean a bathroom, kitchen or bedroom, tasks that you complete at work or around the house. Chores that you for your kids furry and otherwise.

Take an inventory, ask yourself how often you are thinking about steps of this task and how often you are taken out of the task having to think about what’s next?

Where are you struggling to focus and why might that be the case?

Are there patterns to your focus around times of day, month, or year?

If you noticed a change to your focus, track back to that time. Reflect on what’s different today versus back then.

Help yourself out. Determine what you can outsource and automate, write things down, list out the task, think about what someone else would need to know in order to do this task correctly. Even if you know how to do the task, allow yourself a chance to record what you do.

Breathwork. Connecting to your breath and accessing a relaxed state of mind greatly improves your focus and ability to concentrate. 

Take breaks. Go outside, unplug from screens, engage in safe physical touch. All of these behaviors are linked to better focus.

When You Need More Help With Your Focus

If you grew up in a chaotic, stress filled home, you might be struggling with focus. If you are unclear on your values and what is actually important to you, that can affect your ability to focus on the things that you want to care about. If you have gone through something traumatic or upsetting, you might find it difficult to focus like you used to.

During therapy with me, you will learn about the brain, why you are struggling with your focus, & create a plan to get your focus back. In time, you will be able to focus on the things that currently seem impossible, like reading a book or listening to a podcast.

Interested in learning more about working with me? I have an inperson office in downtown Lompoc and provide virtual therapy to adult women throughout California.

In Summary

It might not be an inability to focus. It could be an over reliance on your short term memory.

You can help yourself focus more by automating and outsourcing your tasks and activities. 

If you continue to struggle with your focus, really good therapy can help you.

Check out my website and book your free phone consult with the button below to find out if I would be a good fit for you. 

Looking for a free resource? I have a monthly newsletter, that introduces you to working with the new moon and allowing more space for creativity into your life. You can sign up for the newsletter below.