How Trauma Shows Up in Your Everyday Life & What To Do About It
Do you ever find yourself reacting to a situation in a way that feels completely out of proportion to what’s actually happening? Maybe someone cuts you off in traffic, and before you realize it, you are flying into a rage, stepping on the gas, flipping them off, only to remember that you volunteered to drive everyone from the office to lunch.
Or during a date, they make a silly comment about something you really like, suddenly you’re shutting down, retreating into silence and shutting the world out. Waiting for your first chance to leave.
These reactions feel automatic, like something takes over before you even have a chance to think. Leaving those of us having the experience disoriented and confused by our own behavior.
These out-of-proportion reactions aren’t just ‘overreacting’ It’s your nervous system responding to old wounds as if they are happening all over again. This is where EMDR can help, by rewiring those trauma responses so they no longer control your reactions.
What is EMDR Therapy & Is It for Me?
EMDR is a type of therapy that enables your unconscious brain to safely reprocess encoded, stuck, traumatic memories and end the pattern of disruption that continues in your present-day life. It allows you to make choices from a present, adult-oriented perspective rather than from a powerless place where you feel stuck or trapped.
EMDR helps your brain hit the ‘reset’ button on memories that are stuck on repeat. Instead of reliving the same emotional reactions over and over, EMDR helps your brain file those experiences away properly, so they don’t keep disrupting your life.
EMDR Starts in the Present, Not the Past
Many of my clients come to EMDR therapy believing that we will start by diving into the past. While we do eventually go there, we always begin with what is bothering you right now.
We don’t reprocess trauma unless there is a direct thread between a past experience and the ways you feel stuck in your present life. We focus on the disruptive patterns, the behaviors you want to change, and the ways your nervous system keeps reacting as if the danger is still happening.
Most people do not want to relive their worst moments, and in EMDR therapy, you do not have to. We tend to those wounds without forcing you to re-experience them. Not every bad experience becomes trauma, and sometimes what you think is the root of your trauma isn’t actually what is keeping you stuck. This is why some people who have been through significant trauma still go on to live full, healthy lives. Trauma is not just about what happened to you but how your body and brain encoded and stored the experience.
EMDR is More Than Just Reprocessing
A question I hear a lot from clients is, “When will we get to the EMDR part?” Unless we are spending extra time learning about emotions and building skills, we usually already are doing EMDR therapy. We just haven’t started reprocessing yet.
The preparation phase of EMDR therapy is just as important as the reprocessing itself. Without that groundwork, reprocessing is less effective and doesn’t work as well.
Think of it like starting a big clean-out project without a clear plan. You might get a few hours in, become completely overwhelmed, and leave everything in a bigger mess than before. Sometimes, in those cases, it would have been better to just leave things as they were. The prep work in EMDR therapy helps ensure that when we do start processing trauma, your brain knows what to do with the information and can do something adaptive and helpful, not become more overwhelmed.
Healing at Your Brain’s Pace
EMDR is not about forcing yourself to re-live pain or rush through healing. It is about giving your brain and body the opportunity to integrate what has been stuck so you can finally move forward.
You don’t have to keep feeling this way. EMDR can help you move forward without fear, without second-guessing yourself, without feeling stuck. If you're wondering if EMDR is right for you, let’s talk. Schedule a free consultation and see if this approach feels like the right fit.
I work with adult women virtually throughout California and inperson at my office in Lompoc, CA to help them heal from their invisible wounds.
