3 Myths About EMDR Therapy That You Need to Stop Believing

The hardest part about living with trauma isn’t what most people think. It’s not the chaos, the stress, or the times when life isn’t going well.

It’s when life is going well. Because that’s when you could lose it all.

For many of the women on my couch, the fear of the other shoe dropping is constant—because in the past, it always has. This awful feeling keeps them stuck, afraid to move forward, afraid to take action, afraid to enjoy the moment. After all, how can you relax and feel safe if, the second you do, it could all be taken away?

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

A common conversation I have with high-achieving millennial women is about whether EMDR therapy is right for them. If you’re unsure what EMDR therapy is, check out this past blog post.

When I unpack this question with clients, I hear three major myths that hold them back from trying EMDR therapy.

Myth #1: My Trauma Isn’t Bad Enough for EMDR

This is one of the most common myths I hear—and my favorite one to challenge.

Many of my clients believe they aren’t “broken” enough to need EMDR. They’re used to being the strong one, the one who figures things out, keeps moving forward, and doesn’t “fall apart.” They’re successful, which makes them question whether their trauma was really that bad. But here’s the truth: your nervous system doesn’t measure trauma by how well you function—it measures trauma by how safe you feel.

For some clients, minimizing their experiences is how they’ve coped their whole life. They don’t even realize how much energy it takes to deny or downplay what happened to them. Acknowledging the need for EMDR means acknowledging that something happened that deserves attention and healing. That can be scary.

Another version of this belief is: Other people have had it worse. And sure, maybe someone else has experienced worse trauma—but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve healing. That would be like saying, I shouldn’t eat because other people are starving. Denying yourself the care you need does nothing to help others—it only keeps you stuck.

If spending money on therapy makes you uncomfortable, especially if you come from a background that didn’t prioritize mental health, that might also be part of your trauma—the belief that your needs matter less than others. But you matter. And your healing is worth it.

Myth #2  My trauma was too early for me to remember

Some of us have the experience of being told about a traumatic experience but being too young too really remember it. You might have witnessed your father be taken in by the police when you were two years old after a particularly loud and scary fight with your mother. It could have been a one time experience, that maybe even your parents have forgotten about. But today, whenever you hear sirens, men get loud, or see flashing lights, your hearts starts racing, you feel sweaty, and you keep scanning the room. Logically you might brush it off but you’re body remembers.  

With EMDR therapy, we don’t need a memory, we need a trigger. If you’re experiencing an issue in your present moment, a trained EMDR therapist can help you determine if unresolved trauma is driving the reaction. 

Think of trauma like a song playing in the background of your life. You don’t have to consciously hear every note to feel its effects. EMDR helps turn down the volume and rewrite the track.

Even if you can’t recall the full details of a traumatic event, the thoughts, feelings, and sensations remain. A skilled EMDR therapist can still help you process it, even without a clear memory.

Myth #3: My Friend Did EMDR & It Made Her Feel Worse

EMDR therapy is a powerful tool—but it’s not magic. Like any therapy, it requires good preparation, an attuned therapist, and a solid relational fit.

If your friend had a bad experience with EMDR, it could be due to several factors:

• Starting too soon – If a therapist moves into reprocessing too quickly without proper preparation, it can be overwhelming.

• Lack of skill-building – EMDR involves much more than just revisiting painful memories. Without learning coping strategies first, the process can feel destabilizing.

• Relational mismatch – Your friend might have had a competent therapist but didn’t feel emotionally safe or understood by them.

Just because it didn’t work for your friend doesn’t mean it won’t work for you.

If someone told you they had a bad personal trainer, would you swear off exercise altogether? Probably not. EMDR is a tool, and like any tool, it depends on how it’s used and who’s guiding you through it.

I’ve had many clients who were hesitant to try EMDR because of a bad past experience. But once we explored how I approach EMDR—slower, with more preparation, and tailored to their needs—they felt safe to try again. And for many, it made all the difference.

Have any of these myths been holding you back from trying EMDR therapy?

If you’ve been avoiding EMDR because of these myths, I invite you to reconsider.

Trauma healing isn’t about whether you deserve therapy, it’s about whether you need it to live the life you actually want.

Ready to stop letting these myths decide for you? Then let’s talk. Schedule a free intro call today, and let’s explore whether EMDR might be the missing piece in your healing journey.

I work with adult women virtually throughout California and inperson at my office in Lompoc, CA to help them heal from their invisible wounds.

Schedule your free phone consultation & learn why women are trying EMDR therapy.